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Life · without · fear

Ramblings, ravings, and the (more than) occasional rant.

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It's been a few (crazy) days.

So, finally got to hang out with Kathleen on Tuesday, but we had a fight early in the day....mostly my fault, I over-reacted to her natural forgetfulness, and normally it wouldn't have been an issue, but with all the crap of the previous week, including her forgetting we were spending Saturday night together....it was kind of too much.

But, we came out it alright, and actually had a really great afternoon together, and more than that came out stronger for it. And i told her about some things that were minor irritants to me, but she was understanding, and has really been making more of an effort to keep in touch, and not drop off in the ways that bother me.

And we hung out this afternoon, and had a good time.....more and more i'm getting more relaxed and less fearful she's going to wake up one morning and decide she just doesn't like me.....though i suppose should that happen.....i'll be even more crushed.

I will say this, i do wish we were spending more time together...She works some long hours and i totally get that....but I'd like to see more of her, i really enjoy spending time with her.

Oh....and today is a sort-of anniversary.....

It was Oct 8 that we decided we were a couple, and also first kissed.....also a damn DAMN awesome day...it was also 4 weeks ago today...so to me that 'sort of' counts.
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most who know me know i've been struggling for some time with what to *do*

do i work, do i go back to school? where do i work?

and i've been very VERY frustrated with my efforts in the job-hunting arena. And finally in order to make some short-term cash i decided to go back to Opinion Search. They're not hiring....

go figure.

I've been thinking about re-enrolling in the Business program come January.....but i still really *really* want to work.

So, here's what i'm going to do.

in March i'll evaluate where i am, if i'm not happy i'll consider going back to school

Same deal in July...

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for lack of a better place to write i'm back in LJ land for a bit....it won't last...


had my first D&D session last night with the new group...had a lot of fun...it's a good group and notably it's the first D&D game i've played in since my exile from Buffalo. I had a really group there, these folks are definitely up there.


as ever there is a wrinkle.

one of the factors that influenced my decision to play was my awareness of one of the other players in the group.

let me go back a bit, mid to late summer i randomly ran into Brian, the fellow who ended up running the game he was having a bit to deat with his ex-financee, and we ended up chatting for a bit, i found her throughly charming and just a little bit enchanting. Indeed i was trying to find an in-offensive way to ask Brian for a means to get a hold of her see if she'd like to hang out at some point. Then the opportunity to game with her came along and i decided to take it.

and indeed after spending several more hours with her gaming i'm even more......interested.

but there are, as always complications, though i'm not all that close with Brian....i'd consider him a close acquaintance at best it seems shabby to hit on his ex, and if i ask to hang out with her, might he not be offended as i've never asked him.

this is definetly a situation where caution is indicated, but i want to take a shot, she's really quite cute, and really quite something.

so, we'll see

Good night and good luck

p.s. i have more i want to write about but life is craziness and with Bloop beiing dead...i need to find a new place to write...
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there was a time when April fools gags on the internets were actually pretty clever and funny...

it seems as though those days have passed....


really not much else to say...i need to start blogging again tho'

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i'm watching Six feet under again,

i just felt like watching something different,

for those who haven't seen it, i'll give a way a spoiler, the father dies, in the first episode and it spends the rest of it's time dealing with the fallout,

it reminds me of my own Father's death, i guess in part because i was talking to Jasmin about it the other day.

i'm just so fucking pissed, so angry,

angry he's dead
angry i never got to say goodbye
angry at his bitch of a girlfriend who never bothered to get in touch with me, so i didn't even find out he was dead for two weeks.

angry because i don't even have anything of his to remember him by.
angry he never got to hold his grandson who was born a short 3 weeks before he died
angry i don't get to talk to him

JUST SO FUCKING ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i miss him.

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angry angry
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i haven't posted in weeks...i suck!

well i'll get back to it shortly jsut been so crazy-busy latlly

but life is good,

I love my City!!!

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tired tired
Current Music:
Raine Miada "Hunter's Lulaby"
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What Jonas Kaufman Means

You are fair, honest, and logical. You are a natural leader, and people respect you.
You never give up, and you will succeed... even if it takes you a hundred tries.
You are rational enough to see every part of a problem. You are great at giving other people advice.

You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life.
You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you.
At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself.

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.
You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.
You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.
You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.
You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong.
You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know.
You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.

You are a seeker of knowledge, and you have learned many things in your life.
You are also a keeper of knowledge - meaning you don't spill secrets or spread gossip.
People sometimes think you're snobby or aloof, but you're just too deep in thought to pay attention to them.

You are a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go your way.
And because you're so lucky, you don't really have a lot of worries. You just hope for the best in life.
You're sometimes a little guilty of being greedy. Spread your luck around a little to people who need it.

You are loving, compassionate, and ruled by your feelings.
You are able to be a foundation for other people... but you still know how to have fun.
Sometimes your emotions weigh you down, but you generally feel free from them.

You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated.
You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want.
You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way!
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I posted ages ago...i suppose i can link it *roots around internets, to find linky*:


There we go...

well i want to add something, i'd like to meet someone free of drama.....

Gods be good, in the past few months i've had assocations with romantic over-tones, (dry and techincal i know, but it appeals to my sense of accuracy) with a few girls, and there's always some crap in the way.

i'm not blaming said females, or bitter or angry, just frustrated.....i'd just like tings to be a smidge simpler, and easier....just a smidge...


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y'know what i'd freaking like..

how's this for fucking complicated......

i want to meet a girl, be interested in her, have her be interested in me and be Poly, or Poly-ok. Maybe we'll go out have some fun, goof off etc. etc. etc.

is that so FUCKING HARD????

sorry....mad now...will post substance later....

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